Crowning Glory

Turban Legend

“I want my boys to know that those twenty minutes in the morning show my commitment to our identity. I want them to understand that it’s something to be proud of. That being different is cool (their words not mine). That they are my shining stars.“

Oh my goodness! What a day! I’m not what you would consider over emotional but my world rocked! (well, at least the room I was sitting in anyway!) Today, my teenage nephew tied his very first turban, ever. Today, he showed the world that he chose to be a Sikh, over and above being born a Sikh.

We attended his dastaar bandhi ceremony, a long respected Sikh tradition of tying a turban for the first time, of affirming his resolve to continue doing what his father and grandfather and many generations before them had done, as a symbol of their Sikh identity.

But what was it about the simple ceremony that had overwhelmed not just me, but many others
present on the occasion?

True, the paat recitation had been meaningful and the kirtan was soul-stirring, but that was normal - that’s how paat and kirtan make you feel every single time. But soon after the ardaas that day, having asked for the Almighty’s blessings and approval for the ceremony, family members brought out a maroon turban, and tied it around the young man’s head, sitting gracefully in front of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

What was it about the dastaar that made us all so emotional?

Was it the fact that this young man, born and brought up a million miles away from my religion and background, had publicly affirmed a tradition that began centuries ago on a different continent?

Was it that he was showing the rest of the world that he was proud to carry on with the teachings of his forefathers? Was it because this is a way of life that has led us through generations, to be the strong united community we had become? I’m so proud! He has chosen this path because he wanted to. Not because it was something his uncle’s son’s daughter’s wanted! my commitment
to our identity.

In my day (and I’m not all that old), you did things because you were told, or got a resounding whack from the nearest relative.

The only choices you had then was whether you would avoid the second smack because they didn’t quite catch you the first time round!

Generations ago, sons and daughters just adopted family traditions without pausing to question them. Customs, traditions and concepts, preserved as family heirlooms, were transferred down many generations without much dilution or alteration.

Today it’s all different. Children need to question everything - and get a logical answer.

Today’s children do not comply that easily. In finding answers for them I too learn. I need to find an answer that they can understand and take away with them. To know they can confidently go out and show that they know Sikhi and understand what it’s all about.

Perhaps, apart from according a “uniform” to the Sikhs, the unshorn hair and the covering of it with a patka/dastaar has a deeper logic, too - it keeps the followers disciplined by mandating an outward appearance that is non-negotiable. It extends the logic to personal life, as well, that certain principles and concepts enshrined in the faith are non-negotiable. It gives youngsters the moral courage to dare to be different (and proudly so) from an early age, and affords them an opportunity as young adults to publicly proclaim that they are willing to take the tradition forward, to accept its physical manifestation and its spiritual one.

So, perhaps while I’m sitting here watching my nephew during his dastaar bandhi, I am deeply touched by all the symbolism it represents. As I told him, it is perhaps the biggest gift a child can give his family - of putting his hand up to carry on the family tradition and trying to abide by all the spiritual significance it entails.

Now, I look forward to not just my own two sons giving me a chance to revel in my tears (again!), but also the sons of many other parents around the world, doing their best to keep this age-old tradition alive. I hope and pray for my nephew and others like him, that after being born as Sikhs, I hope they see the value in choosing to be Sikh and then, through their actions, prove to be the ultimate Sikhs.
Till then, I’ll keep my tears at bay.

by Manpreet Kaur Singh